Saturday, July 3, 2010

7:45 a.m.
Slept a little later than intended. These pillows may be some minor work of Satan.
8:12 a.m.
Roommate and I head to the convention center for the morning orientation sessions. No time for breakfast, but there is a Dunn Brothers Coffee right in the middle of the convention center. I take it as affirmation that God is present with us.
8:30 a.m.
Sitting in an overview of my subcommittee’s issues, dealing with Theological Issues and Institutions. These are billed as “Conversations,” but the speakers are obviously biased toward the issues they are presenting. Feel a little intimidated because most conversations I am involved in deal with episodes of Seinfeld and other such deep issues.
9:12 a.m.
Have already had a good long taste of discussions of race relations and gender neutral languages as it applies to the Book of Confessions in our constitution. It is the first HOUR of the first day.
9:13 a.m.
The professor speaking claims that students are so turned off by the use of masculine pronouns in speaking of God and Christ that they are distracted from learning about the theology behind the confessions. I’m going to use that as an excuse the nest time I don’t want to do a project at work. “I would have completed the brochure, but I was way too conflicted by the biased language used in it.”
9:38 a.m.
Female pastor from Baltimore is very concerned that the Belhar Confession under consideration for inclusion in the Book of Confessions is NOT gender neutral. Has two follow-up questions regarding same.
9:48 a.m.
Black speaker is really quite concerned that we include this new confession so that we can proclaim to the world that we think racism is bad. I seriously doubt that the world is paying any attention to us.
10:00 a.m.
Another odd fashion observation--a woman walks by in a black and white snake print sheath dress and lavender sequined platform heels. I was going to tell her that this wasn’t that kind of convention, but I noted that she was wearing a lanyard and carrying a PC(USA) totebag, so I held my tongue. Made a mental note to get one of those totebags.
10:19 a.m.
First headache has set in. I return to the hotel to down some Advil. I have a feeling I will be keeping a running tab on the amount of Advil downed this week. If my liver fails, can I get the PC(USA) to reimburse the medical expenses?
10:42 a.m.
Nice long break til lunch.
1:30 p.m.
Find my seat in the hall for the opening worship service. Mike Fry and I had decided earlier to wear Hawaiian shirts every day. So I surprised him by wearing a black and white snake print sheath dress and lavender heels. Kidding! The heels were black. Who wears lavender heels?
1:44 p.m.
Opening prayer includes a petition to “Mother God” to nurture us. Kinda wish that were a joke.
2;13 p.m.
Business meeting begins. We get to vote with cool little electronic tabulators, I get carried away pushing buttons and shout “What is the Magna Carta! I’ll take English History for $500, Alex.” Embarrassing, especially since the moderator’s name is Bruce.
2:48 p.m.
In test voting to see if we can figure out how to use the electronic tabulators, we find that the majority of commissioners are between 40 and 65 and up and 83% Caucasian. Shocking.
3:30ish p.m.
A man is relating the finer points of GA financial and budget implications in regards to the differences that may be incurred with passage of new proposals and whether they will be debited to the mission or per capita budget numbers. I begin to read the ingredient list on my Nature Valley Sweet -N- Salty Granola Bar and contemplate what “reduced minerals” are. I then contemplate whether I can commit hari kari with a ball point pen. Or a granola bar.
Sometime after that p.m.
We are dismissed. Free dinner at the exhibition hall. 1756 hungry Presbyterians line up for a free buffet served on just three tables. Mike and I take the light rail system to the back of line which begins somewhere near Mall of America.
7:00 p.m.
The next session begins. This is where we elect a new moderator by the process of asking all of the declared candidates to give speeches, write position papers and answer questions from the floor, carefully consider their qualifications and then vote for the one who will support eliminating the fidelity and chastity paragraph.
8:47 p.m.
The swimsuit competition is underway. The pastor from Nevada has surprisingly shapely legs.
9:18 p.m.
After one of the candidates called Presbyterians the most well-educated denomination, re-votes were called for because many of the commissioners couldn’t figure out how to use the electronic voting machines.
9:38 p.m.
Candidates were all very well-spoken and stated their positions very succinctly. I believe that the elder from Florida lost a few votes after trying to sway the Youth Advisory Delegates by declaring he would hire Ke$ha to perform at a “Totally kick ass ordination ceremony.”
9:47 p.m.
After four rounds, Elder Cynthia Bolbach is elected. She had a few funny comments during her speeches when she wasn’t advocating the adoption of the new Form of Government, which she helped develop. She was also the only candidate who didn’t affirm the covenant of marriage as between one man and one woman. So no surprise that she was elected. What was surprising was when she gave a shout out to Tupac and gave “mad props to God.”

Other notes:
-Final tally after 4 rounds was:
Bolbach 51%
Leeth 23%
Belle 8%
Lauterer 8%
Nielsen 6%
Kim 4%
“Doing the Dishes” 3% (I believe this was a glitch because one of the commissioners was playing “Family Feud” online.)
-Though he apparently supports Presbyterian Coalition, I thought that Eric Neilsen advocated many, if not all of the same positions we do at Grace Presbyterian, especially in regards to making the church relevant in our communities in order to reach people for Christ.
-I was pretty impressed with most of the other candidates. I will say that I voted for Julia Leeth, as she was the most conservative choice, and really reasoned out her answers to the published moderator questions. I will keep her assessments of the Belhar Confession and Heidelberg translations close by for the committee work which begins tomorrow.
-If I heard the word “diversity” once, I heard it 873 times. Again, it is only the first day.
-Our worship band at Grace is SOOOO good. I know, its an exhibition not a competition. But they are really really good.