GA Overview, Part 2

Moderator Elections, or “Would a dodgeball tournament serve the same purpose?”
I felt the moderator election worked smoothly. The questions from the floor were frankly awful—none enlightened or colored the candidates positions. Though it is good to see them think on their feet, the questions should be pre-determined, or drawn from a pool of several pertinent questions. Asking the candidates about their favorite Muppet or who their high school crush was served no purpose.

For all of the endless talk of inclusivity, we voted for the candidate who espoused the most liberal virtues and not the African-American guy or the Korean guy or the Minnesotan guy or Southern female pastor or the conservative woman (despite the fact her vice-moderator candidate was Hispanic). I am just pointing out the dichotomy: I do not believe race should play a part in one’s qualifications, but the “inclusive” talk is pervasive, and biases so many decisions—except this one. It would save a lot of time if the candidates simply stated their values and we voted from that—the outcome would be the same:
[] A. Somewhere between Pat Buchanan and Jerry Falwell
[] B. Not as bad as A, but I still read the Bible
[] C. I’ve ridden more fences than a 75-year-old ranch hand
[] D. “Can’t we all just get along” liberal
[] E. I’m for extending full marriage rights and reparations to bisexual endangered whales from the Global South

Committee work, or “If lusting in my heart is adultery, is bludgeoning someone to death with my laptop (in my heart) murder?”
There are 18 or perhaps even more committees and all commissioners are assigned to one. I was on the Theological Issues and Institutions Committee (often referred to by its nickname, “The Fightin’ Theologians and Institutions”). Others include Church Orders and Ministry, Comfortable Footware Choices, Commissioner Birthday Party Arrangements, and Low Sodium Diets.

In committee, like the “conversations,” the resources were essentially the ones who wrote the overture and as such were certainly pro-overture. For the more controversial issues, a dissenting voice was given time to state reasons for opposition, I believe out of pity. As with any committee anywhere, we were beset with microphone hogs, with endless debate about semantics, with motions, revotes, those who didn’t understand the questions, and one commissioner’s incessant whistling of “The Theme from A Summer Place.”

But as we neared the end of one agonizingly pointless debate, the commissioner next to me said to me that she had had enough. Briefly, she was from a very small church struggling mightily not just to grow, but to retain members and on the brink of financial disaster. Yet we were spending 3 hours on where to place a comma. My heart broke for her. She loves her church and simply wanted something from this GA to give her hope. I doubt she found it. And that is ultimately the saddest thing. The denomination is so obsessed, so devoted to the liberal issues, that they have totally lost sight of their purpose. Or maybe they never had that purpose at all. This woman was voting along “party lines” with the majority, and the majority was letting her down. And yet there is continued wonder as to why members are fleeing and contributions have dried up.

Plenary Session, or “Boy, this is sure a lot of old white people!”
I understand that the business of the denomination is what GA is about. It seems to me however, that the sharing of ideas and problem solving is what it SHOULD be about. Fully half of the GA docket could be decided by acclamation beforehand. Half of the speeches could be thrown away. And we didn't need the synchronized swimming demonstration no matter how good Gradye Parsons looks in a bathing suit and swim cap. Most of the committees could then be condensed or done away with. The energy and money poured into the lobbying lunches and dinners could feed a nation (you know, if the nation enjoys overcooked chicken breast, steamed vegetables, and rice pilaf). Or at least buy some Nutter Butters for the commissioners.

Though the worship parts were fine, couldn’t GA be something of a showcase of the newest, the coolest, the best and brightest that the denomination has to offer? If we are so globally focused, why not Irish dancers and Scottish pipers and African drummers and Indian sitarists and Russian balalaika-ists, and Hula dancers and Brazilian samba dancers? Maybe French mimes? No no, sorry got carried away, God abhors mimes. And perhaps the French. Maybe we could leave saying, “Wow, we have a lot of problems, but we also have a lot to offer. Look at all of the talent dedicated to glorifying God.”

Instead, we had a week of everything that is essentially the worst­—endless debates and committees and procedures and quasi-intellectual speechifying and verisimilitude (literally, “lots and lots of similitude”).

Overall, people speaking were civil and respectful. The voting process went smoothly except when the voting machines malfunctioned and thousands of garage doors in Edina and Bloomington went up and down. The PCBiz website with all of the docket refreshing right before your eyes functioned really well, but the pop up ads for weight loss breakthroughs were in bad taste.

I doubt I will ever vote with the majority in today’s denomination, but I think I respected my fellow delegates. This was a bit of an eye-opener as I had always had the vague impression that those on the other side of the aisle were shrill, wacko leftists (and I am sure I was a heartless white male who hated anyone not like me). There were a few of them to be sure, but I was more worried by the shrill wacko fashion statements made by a few of them (black short sleeve dress shirt, black Bermuda shorts, black knee socks, WHITE deck shoes—never appropriate no matter your political stance).

Finally, I don’t know how I feel about the YAADs. On the one hand, they are charismatic and energetic and enthusiastic and on the other hand I wanted to lock them in the Mall of America, fill the hallways with clouds of AXE, and throw the key in the Mississippi. In committee, they had an opinion on everything, which was strange to me as most teens I know are hard pressed to decide which flavor of frozen yogurt is best and who the hottest vampire is. I felt good that they were so involved and enthusiastic, yet their opinions were generally just what you’d expect from 17-19 year-olds—that God loves everyone and everyone is good deep inside and total depravity is best illustrated by that time Travis “The Barf” Barffington threw a volleyball at your head in gym class in 7th grade. Yet they are given full vote in committees and the right to speak (though not vote) in plenary. And they speak A LOT. And the speak emotionally, because they are 17-19-year-olds (they also, like, say, um, “like” a lot). And their opinions are wildly applauded and held in high esteem in a lot of cases. Because if you can set the young on a left leaning path early, the future is better for your agenda.

So, summing up:
Things that worked well:
Volunteers
PCBiz
Bus service to and from airport
Moderator’s humor
Minneapolis

Not so much:
YAADs
Voting machines
Bus service to the picnic
Moderator’s wardrobe
St. Paul

Tomorrow, I'll start looking a little more closely at specific issues and sharing a recipe for a delicious party dip.