July 6, 2010

8:04 a.m.
Sun rises once again and I am feeling a little more peace this morning. Of course, I’ve done little more than shower.
8:37 a.m.
Wearing another Hawaiian shirt to demonstrate my solidarity with Jimmy Buffett, Magnum P.I., and Don Ho. Fine Presbyterians all.
9:00 a.m.
From my Facebook feed: “All the official ABBA Lyrics are now up on www.abbasite.com just click on the albums and then on the lyrics symbol, enjoy!”. The timing on this is unfortunate, because I am in Minnesota, where there are an abundance of Swedes I could turn to if I have trouble remembering what ABBA sang in the second verse of “Nina Pretty Ballerina.” I guess its feast or famine when it comes to ABBA resources. I move on to my committee.
9:50 a.m.
Committee gives permission to seminaries to celebrate communion. Passes unanimously with no debate. I kiss all commissioners on the mouth.
10:06 a.m.
Genuinely nice presentation from the Evangelistic Seminary of Puerto Rico, whom we vote to continue to support. Our Puerto Rican committee member prays for the seminary. Our ardently feminist member struggles to figure out if he is using gender neutral language but is confused by the use of feminine and masculine nouns in the Spanish language.
10:21 a.m.
Presentation by Committee On Theological Education (or “CommOTE”). Several seminary presidents are present in this meeting and many participate in a panel discussion and a karaoke competition. Cynthia McCall Campbell, president of McCormick Seminary is the surprise winner after her soaring and emotional rendition of “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You,” by Bryan Adams that leaves many commissioners weeping openly. I personally prefer Dubuque president Jeffrey “JamMaster” Bullock’s daring and funky take on the Frankie Goes To Hollywood smash hit “Relax.”
10:48 a.m.
In rapid succession, Steve Hayner is approved as Columbia president, Paul Roberts is approved as Johnson C. Smith president, Paul Jinkins is approved as Louisville president, and former “Welcome Back, Kotter” star Gabe Kaplan is approved as president of San Francisco Theological Seminary.
11:16 a.m.
Nice conversation with like-minded Texans from Mission and Palo Duro Presbyteries. We agree that we could kick all the other commissioners asses in a bar fight. Except that one female elder from Cleveland, who looks pretty intimidating.
11:55 a.m.
Discussion on clarifying some points on a Baptism/Lord’s Supper item of business. Discussion is lively, but a call for an encore by Dr. Campbell is voted down.
12:07 p.m.
Insanely long pre-lunch prayer which is essentially an effort for the elder praying to show he is part of the gang by citing diversity and sprinkling PC language throughout the entire 27 minutes he prays. The ThunderStix are close at hand,
12:26 p.m.
Because I am trying to eat an ethnically diversely diet, I grab an excellent burger and salad at a local FRENCH restaurant. The burger makes me smile for a couple of minutes... another little touch of grace.
1:33 p.m.
Dessert is 3 Advils when I return to the committee room. The elder’s pre-lunch prayer is winding down.
1:49 p.m.
I adore semantic debates about the wording of amendments, so the next 20-30 minutes is pure bliss. Especially since this is an amendment to an amendment which is destined to fail. The call to the editorial board of the Oxford English Dictionary seems like a somewhat unnecessary step.
2:17 p.m.
Getting pretty sleepy. I notice that my shirt faintly smells like I swam the Mississippi to get here. Yes, a definite dirty water smell. I deduce that it is from the water I used in the steam iron at the hotel room. Make a mental note to stop at the cool Target for some bottled water and Febreeze. Discussion of wording of amendment continues.
2:26 p.m.
In a clarifying remark, the GA resource person admits he has no idea WHERE or even IF this statement will ultimately be published as it has not been written to be included anywhere in the Book of Order or distributed to Presbyteries. I am not making this up.
3:05 p.m.
Vote on the main motion of the non-issue. It passes, and is sent on to GA where it will never be seen again. 54 commissioners x 3 hours = 162 man hours (sorry, “person hours”).
3:22 p.m.
Pastor from Buffalo, speaking in favor of his overture to include a promise to pray within officer ordination vows gives a lengthy sermon. Apparently, it was a long winter in Buffalo, and he has had time to hone and practice the presentation. Thankfully, the moderator disallows the movie clips, youth-led skit, and specially-commissioned Christian rock opera that he has brought along to help illustrate. Also thankfully, no one is opposed to prayer and the item passes unanimously.
3:40 p.m.
Talk briefly to Jack Haberer--he hints that I may want to buy a couple of extra issues of the next Presbyterian Outlook as I may get a mention within. I am excited because it is the Outlook’s annual “Sexiest Presbyterian Alive” issue.
3:56 p.m.
Young Adult Advisory Delegates (often referred to by their nickname, “The people without gray hair and walkers”) lead the committee in “energizers” in which we are encouraged to “raise the roof” and “shimmy to the left and right”. Many commissioners “tear their ACL” and “clutch their chests.”
5:06 p.m.
Committee biz is over! Our presbytery celebrates by taking over the same Irish Pub I’ve spent the last two nights in. Unfortunately, they choose to celebrate by rehashing all that had gone on thus far and going over what is to come. I sip more Jameson’s and watch World Cup highlights remembering that there is a real world outside of the Convention Center, filled with lots of real people who desperately need someone to demonstrate to them the real love of Jesus Christ in a meaningful way. Perhaps if we had, say, 162 man hours to work on that...
Other notes:
-I did feel an emotional release after the committee was dismissed. I sincerely thanked many of the commissioners and YAADs around me. Most everyone acted civilly and respectfully. I never did hit anyone with ThunderStix.
-For obvious reasons, I purposely didn’t comment on the last controversial issue which dealt with language intended to comfort those who lose children prior to baptism and whether that language could be construed into the abortion debate.
-The entire assembly convenes tomorrow. This is where some solid foundations for a schism should be laid. I wish I were joking.