July 9, 2010

Apologies for the late posting... the wrap party went late.
8:49 a.m.
Another nice morning and Tom and I head to a “hole in the wall” restaurant specializing in crepes. After we crawled through the hole and squeezed against the wall, we had a nice breakfast.
9:25 a.m.
Many line the walkways and hallways of the Convention Center asking to reconsider the marriage definition we rejected yesterday. Also, one protester is asking us to reconsider a rejected call to petition the government to subsidize housing for goldfish, up to and including two-story castles.
9:41 a.m.
Female Friends of Christ pastor prays to Mother-Father God. Obviously we will not be having another “Belarus Orthodox Incident.”
9:53 a.m.
Budget review time. The commission gives all budgetary figures in Indian rupees, No one notices.
10:02 a.m.
Jump right back into the fun! Reconsideration of the Marriage Definition defeated last night. Sidetracked by a debate on the correct pronunciation of “plenary.”
10:14 a.m.
I have decided that these things drag on because people enjoy saying “Madam Moderator, I move the question,” “I rise in support of the substitute motion,” and “Luke, I am your father,” into the microphone.
11:30 a.m.
The report of the Middle East Committee is presented. Debate is minimal as it has been torn apart in committee and corrected to most everyone’s satisfaction. And it passes very easily. The fact that the moderator of the committee sucked on a helium balloon before giving the presentation may have helped sway some votes.
Noon
Lunch with Mike, a cheeseburger at the French restaurant I ate at earlier this week. I impress Mike by speaking French to the waitress. “Appoortez-moi un grande derriere burgere au fromage ici pronto sur la double, siv vous plait!” (“Bring me a big ass cheeseburger on the double, please!). Unfortunately, the waitress doesn’t speak French.
1:30 p.m.
After lunch Middle East stuff is up again and finishes mercifully quickly with the express, written consent of Major League Baseball.
2:02 p.m.
Board of Pensions reports up now. Which is generally not something anyone cares about. Unless you are an older minister, of which there are a lot. But suddenly everyone cares, because, Pensions Committee has a report to extend benefits to same-sex partners. Of course the motion is essentially about benefits and how to pay for them, so no one really understands the real issues, because there are only eight people in the United States who have any idea about how health benefits work. But since it has to do with the issue that has become mandatory for every committee resolution, we debate. Same-sex benefits passes. Mike Fry’s veiled attempts to divert more of the per diem budget to his own pension is defeated.
4:13 p.m.
Many have spoken and none have said anything. I feel my body beginning to become a single-cell gelatinous mass. I hope I have full rights in the PC(USA) once my transformation is complete. Through my stupor I note that the YAAD’s status at GA has been voted to remain the same and oddly enough--in an assembly excited about labels--we vote down a motion to self-state your “theological preference” (evangelical, liberal, God-fearin’ American, cat lover, yellow-bellied coward, etc.) when nominated for GA office.
4:26 p.m.
I note Moderator of Church Polity Committee resembles my wife. Of course she is reading polity motions out loud in a dull monotone, which may be the only thing keeping me from crying at this point.
4:54
The commissioner on the screen has a “bullet”— he is bald on top, mullet in the back. This is fascinating. I have no idea what he is advocating.
5:00 p.m.
A real life disturbance! Protesters! Cops! Arrests! Handcuffs! Poor planning results in their cause not being advanced as most commissioners are irritated that they are delaying the docket and are causing us to be here late tonight. Perhaps even miss the commissioner's dinner at which they will be serving John Knox-shaped chicken nuggets. Many of the assembly are genuinely confused as to what the protesters are actually protesting. They carry placards (badly designed) that read:
PRAYER:
[x] Ordination
[x] Marriage
[x] Pension
The best guess is that they have prayed about these items and are simply letting us know they have done so. Which is commendable, but seems hardly worth disrupting a meeting to let us know, and I would hope that they would be doing that in any circumstance. I suspect it may have been a brilliant strategy to wake up the commissioners, many of whom were asleep and drooling into their keyboards at the time.
5:20 p.m.
Back to the stimulating conversation about a report formulated to be an Authoritative Interpretation of an Authoritative Interpretation. If nothing else has driven people away from church, this may do it. I thought we passed a resolution that we didn’t endorse torture.
6:01 p.m.
Dismissal prayer goes on and on...has anyone ever read Matthew 6:5? “Hypocrites” is probably too strong, but “Microphone Hog” would not be inappropriate. Pastor asks us to thank silently all of those who influenced our Christian lives. He then proceeds to name all of them aloud.
6:44 p.m.
Opening music is upbeat ane as I suspected, the ThunderStix woman cannot dance. Another interminable prayer follows. Clay Brown, where are you?
7:50 p.m.
Peacemaking issues features George Lynch as the moderator. He of course was the lead guitarist from 80s Glam Metal Band “Lynch Mob.” Motions follow to let us know that we are for peace in Sudan. We are for peace in Afghanistan. Added a amendment to remember 9-11, which seems appropriate. We are for peace AND reconciliation in Korea (I assume we mean both North and South). We are for restoring sustainable agriculture in Haiti. We are for peace in Colombia. We are for asking the UN and other countries not to oppress Christians in countries where Christians are minorities, We’d like to restore democracy in Honduras and Madagascar. When the votes are over, I go outside the Convention Center to make sure that peace has broken out across the globe. Hard to tell.
8:47 p.m.
Mission coordination and budgets has 35 items to approve. Only 8 of them are in the consent agenda. Why do we have speeches for items that no one will oppose or question. A speech is given in support of funding a commission to minister to orphans, puppies and kitties. I vote to disapprove simply out of spite.
9:18 p.m.
I can’t take it anymore and bolt for the door before we are dismissed. I run skipping through the skyways shedding my clothes as go. Reconsider stripping, as I am leaving to meet friends from the area for dinner and I’m certain the restaurant has a no-shirt-no-service policy.
9:37 p.m.
Meet my non-Presbyterian friends at a hip and cool downtown restaurant. Note that I was apparently mistaken and the restaurant doesn’t have a no-shirt policy, but does have a no-non-tattooed persons policy. I slip the hostess a ten spot to let me in with my temporary henna tattoo of the PC(USA) cross, which looks awesome because I made the flame part really large to wrap around my triceps.
9:58 p.m.
Enjoy a Belgian abbey-style ale from Wisconsin whose name I couldn’t hear because of the Hispanic Blues Band playing. Traditional, Muddy Waters-style American blues sung in Spanish. First time for everything.
11:15 p.m.
My friends return home, leaving me once more in the company of Presbyterians. But they are all at the bar in the hotel and I join them. Good people all. I must be getting soft.

Other Notes (a lot this time, I apologize for the length of this post to those reading at work. Or if you are trying to avoid working, you are welcome.)

-We are asked to reconsider the action taken late on July 8 in which we upheld the definition of marriage. The rationale is simply that the commissioners were tired and were confused about implications. I crafted the following to speak to the assembly, but the question was called before I was finished.

Throughout the week, we know that--since we are gathered in God’s name--that God has been with us as promised. We have fervently invited the Holy Spirit to intercede in all we have done. And we have undoubtedly asked for God’s will to be done. I do not think that anyone would doubt that.
Therefore, by re-introducing this it can be assumed that those who voted against it:
-did not hear the Holy Spirit at all
-heard the Spirit incorrectly
-ignored the urgings of the Spirit outright
And then we can also assume that those re-introducing the measure do not believe that God’s will was done, at least in a timetable that suited those who support this re-introduction.
As far as the reason for re-introduction, shall we also re-consider the several other items that were debated after, say 9:30 p.m.? Shall we declare the time when all felt tired?
I don’t feel I am in a position to judge whether or not the Spirit was heard, or if God’s will has been done, or even if my fellow commissioners were alert or clear-minded enough to understand and vote. I would hope that others would have the same consideration.

Thankfully the reconsideration was voted down 60%-40%. Morning by morning new mercies I see.

-Good question from Eric Neilsen about an Iraq resolution which in one part states that we need to ask the government to protect all civilians in Iraq yet follows with the admonition that all combat troops be removed (in the next month and half!) and all other troops soon after that. How will we protect if no military is present? Committee member resource says that he would hope that the US government would have entities in place to do that. What? Black ops? Satellites with lasers? Pack animals with lasers? Iron Man?

-We discuss denouncing Caterpillar Tractors. Because Caterpillar products are being used in Palestine by Israelis to build walls and tear down houses in disputed areas. This is insanity. Cat employs thousands around the globe, both directly and indirectly (dealers, repair shops, etc.) One such dealership has very strong ties to Grace. Item is approved, but at least divestment motion fails. Sorry Brad, we tried.